Merlinsky: The Sorcerer's Apprentice Read online

and pulls a handkerchief out of her back pocket. The handkerchief is tied to many others, all in a rainbow of hues.

  CONNIE (continuing): See? This is the Amazing Crisco's idea of humor.

  JAKE (chuckling): It is kind of funny...

  CONNIE: Not if you're allergic to nylon.

  She sneezes, and pulls harder on the series of handkerchiefs... more and more keep coming out of her pocket, until finally, a fair-sized nylon heap sits on the stage floor, and she gets to the end of the chain.

  JAKE: Let me untie yours for you.

  CONNIE: That's so sweet of you. (looking at watch) Oh, I'm running late... my name's Connie.

  They shake hands. Connie turns to check the special effects control board.

  JAKE: And mine's Jake. Can I help you with anything?

  CONNIE: I think Merlinsky's using the trap door for his vanishing volunteer tonight. Could you make sure the release is working?

  JAKE: Where's that?

  CONNIE: Right over there.

  JAKE: Alright, I see the door. Where's the release?

  CONNIE: It's the black nail upstage.

  She points, and Jake pushes a nail, opening the trap door. He closes it again.

  JAKE: Okay, this works. What else?

  CONNIE: Ah, let's see... Crisco will use this cable for flying... and I guess that's about it. Let's get the emcee and enjoy the show.

  Jake is ecstatic at being included in Connie's routine, and wriggles like an eager puppy. He follows her to the dressing rooms.

  INT. PALACE OF MYSTERY - FORTY MINUTES LATER

  Harry stands on the small stage, winding up his act. He's in a tuxedo, but still wears his fedora; beside him is a large, person-sized box.

  HARRY: ...I need a fresh victim, ah, a new volunteer. Madame, would you be so kind as to help me out?

  A pretty woman in a low-cut evening gown, TERRY, hesitantly steps up to the stage.

  TERRY: How can I help?

  HARRY (ogling): Just by standing there and looking gorgeous...

  Terry's embarrassed, and the AUDIENCE giggles.

  HARRY (continuing): ...actually, I need you to step inside this box for a moment. What's your name?

  TERRY: Terry.

  Harry opens the front door of the box.

  HARRY: Terry, if you'll just jump in here, I'll have you back in your seat in no time.

  INT. PALACE OF MYSTERY, BACKSTAGE - CONTINUOUS

  Jake and Connie watch Harry's act from the wings, with rapt attention.

  CONNIE: He'd better maneuver that box over the trap door before he starts this.

  JAKE: Uh oh, she's in the box. He can't move it now.

  CONNIE: We'd better get the emcee ready to go out there... Merlinsky's going to embarrass himself.

  JAKE (disillusioned): And his act was going so well...

  CONNIE: At least I'll do his smoke...

  On stage, Harry gestures at the closed box, with Terry inside. Backstage, Connie flips a switch on the special effects board, and a puff of smoke shoots out of the top of the box. Harry opens the box with a flourish, to show the audience.

  ANGLE ON AUDIENCE

  Every person in the audience simultaneously draws a sharp intake of breath... they're shocked.

  ANGLE ON BACKSTAGE

  Jake and Connie dread what they will see.

  ANGLE ON HARRY

  Harry turns the box from side to side, to show that... it's empty.

  INT. HARRY'S MANSION - ONE HOUR LATER

  Jake's pacing the floor, struggling to stay awake, and reading one of Harry's books. Socrates sits on his perch. Harry enters the front door, still dressed in his tux.

  JAKE (confused): Who are you? You keep strange sorcery books, you perform magic without any tricks, and you live with a talking owl...

  SOCRATES (bristling): I'll have you know that I am not just some empty-headed chatterbox...

  HARRY: Hold the phone, hold the phone... I'll 'fess up... Jake, I did that stunt just for you.

  JAKE: Why?

  HARRY: Because I need yer help. (pause) A fellow wizard is makin' a nuisance of himself, and I was hopin' that we might team up to set him straight.

  JAKE: So you're a wizard...? (pause) ...but what can I do to help?

  HARRY: Just like I said before... you'll be my apprentice.

  JAKE: Whoa! Learning a con game trick is one thing; real magic is something else.

  HARRY: Lemme see that book.

  Jake hands the book to Harry. Harry turns a few pages, CHANTS a stream of foreign words, and the sofa rises three feet off the floor. Jake, round-eyed, walks in back of it, looks under it, waves his hands over it, and looks at Harry. Harry CHANTS a few more words, and the sofa returns to the floor.

  JAKE (awed): You really are a wizard...

  HARRY: Aw, it's nuthin' you can't do. Chant along with me.

  Harry INTONES the chant slowly, and Jake STUMBLES badly over the words. The sofa stays put.

  JAKE: I knew it. There's no way I could do that.

  HARRY: You gotta say it with feeling.

  Jake CHANTS with Harry again, a bit more smoothly, and the sofa rises a foot off the floor. Harry walks over to a closet, pulls out a few blankets and sheets, and tosses them to Jake.

  JAKE: But what about the couch?

  HARRY: It'll be the best night's sleep you ever had; you're lying on a bed of air! Enjoy...

  Harry exits to his bedroom. Jake walks around the couch, puzzled but exhausted. He finally shrugs, throws the bedclothes up on the cushions and crawls up after them.

  EXT. MAGIC CASTLE - THE NEXT MORNING

  The Victorian-style mansion exudes an aura of quiet mystery. Harry and Jake enter the front door.

  INT. MAGIC CASTLE - TRAVELING - CONTINUOUS

  Harry and Jake enter an anteroom "study"-type area. Harry WHISPERS a few words into a stuffed owl perched on a bookcase, and a hidden panel slides open. The two wander through a maze of passageways lined with magic memorabilia, and finally enter a small library.

  HARRY: Here's a good place for you to wait.

  JAKE: Where are you going?

  HARRY: I gotta make some travel arrangements... there's a big magic pow-wow I don't wanna miss.

  JAKE: Should I stay at your house?

  HARRY: Absolutely! Be nice to Socrates; I'm sure you two can... wing it!!

  Harry jabs Jake in the ribs, then walks to the library door.

  JAKE: When's your trip?

  HARRY: Tomorrow. Take a look around the stacks... I'll be back in five minutes.

  Jake browses among the books, and bumps into... Connie, who is leaning against a shelf and reading.

  JAKE (delighted): Hi!

  CONNIE (the feeling's mutual): Hi! (whispers) Did you find out how Harry did it?

  JAKE: You're not going to believe this, but I slept on a flying couch last night.

  CONNIE (skeptical): You're kidding. He did that, too?

  JAKE: Yep. He must be a real wizard, Connie. He's got a talking owl.

  CONNIE (laughing): Now that's a hoot!

  JAKE: You should see his house... he's got a magic library bigger than this one.

  CONNIE (scoffing): Come on, Jake, these books were donated by over a hundred practicing magicians.

  JAKE: If you don't believe me, you should come over. He'll be gone tomorrow, and I can introduce you to Socrates.

  CONNIE: Socrates?!

  JAKE: ...the talking owl. He looks a lot like that one back in the entryway.

  CONNIE (incredulous): Jake...!

  Harry enters the library, and walks over to Jake and Connie.

  JAKE: Harry, do you know Connie?

  HARRY: Sure do... she does a heck of a job setting up my tricks.

  CONNIE: Not that you need any set up...

  Harry smiles a secret smile.

  JAKE: Did you make your travel plans?

  Harry makes an exaggerated effort to ensure Connie hears:

  HARRY: Yep. I'm cuttin' out tomorrow morning at nine, and I'll be gone
for two days.

  CONNIE: You're going to the Arcana conference, then?

  HARRY: You bet! Wouldn't miss it for the world.

  INT. HARRY'S MANSION - THE NEXT DAY

  A tentative KNOCK sounds at the door. Jake dashes eagerly to answer it, stops himself at the last second and counts to ten, then opens the door. Connie stands on the step.

  JAKE: I'm glad you could make it! Come on in.

  CONNIE: The hardest part was walking from the street to the door. This place looks creepy.

  JAKE: But it's really fun! Connie, I'd like you to meet Socrates.

  The owl blinks at Connie from his perch.

  CONNIE: He doesn't chatter much for a talking owl.

  SOCRATES (drily): And you chatter quite a bit for a perfect girl.

  Connie is dumfounded, and slightly embarrassed; Jake turns beet red.

  JAKE (mumbles): Socrates, give me a break...

  CONNIE (recovering): So there really is an owl named Socrates...

  SOCRATES (mimicking): So there really is a girl named Connie...

  JAKE: Okay, that's enough... this could get out of hand. Connie, come and see the books.

  Jake shows her the bookcases full of magic texts.

  CONNIE: The Necromicon, the Cabbalah, Blacke's Magick... Jake, he has an incredible collection here. And this one is a first edition... hand-printed back in the 1800's.

  JAKE: It's the one Harry used to get the couch off the floor.

  CONNIE: There's a levitation spell in here?

  JAKE: Yeah. He made me try it two nights ago.

  CONNIE: How did you do?

  JAKE: The couch went up a little ways, but that was only because Harry chanted with me.

  CONNIE: How do you know you can't do it by yourself?

  JAKE: I tried this morning, and nothing happened.

  CONNIE: You know, performance magic is mostly believing in yourself... and I'll bet real magic is just the same.

  JAKE: I could never do real magic.

  CONNIE (softly): I believe you could.

  JAKE: You do?

  CONNIE: Sure... now, where's that spell?

  Jake takes the book, and flips through the pages.

  JAKE: This is the one Harry used.

  CONNIE: Try it.

  Jake looks uncertainly at her; she has a strange glint in her eye. Jake slowly CHANTS the unusual words;